Mustard: The Feel Good Condiment

Has anyone else caught the cold of doom? I feel (and look) like total dog shit. That is… until I took a spicy bath last night.

I had a bath….. in mustard. You heard me. Mustard. Mustard and baking soda. The last week or so, we’ve all come down with terrible colds, all three of us. Last night I was feeling particularly bunky, with puffy eyes and every orifice above my shoulders leaking who knows what fluids, on the verge of crying and basically being a big sucky doucheroo, when I remembered something Rain had told me a few days ago: Mustard powder in the bath works as a detox and makes you feel better. Actually, what he told me was that if you used it in a foot bath for 15 minutes before you went to bed, your cold would be gone when you woke up. So I did a quick google search that told me to combine 4 tbsp mustard powder with 1/4 cup baking soda, then to use 4 tbsp of that in a tub along with some essential oils. Me being me, I said bollocks to that and put 2 tbsp of mustard powder and probably 2/3 cup of baking soda in the tub.

It was so. spicy.

When I first got in, I was just hoping that by the time I got out I wouldn’t look like I had jaundice (the water goes pretty damn yellow guys, I was also hoping Rain didn’t walk in and think I’d finally gone off my nut and spent the afternoon pissing in the tub)… then after a minute it started to feel like my skin was.. what’s the word I’m looking for.. tingly? fizzy? Not in a distressing way, in a really neat way. I would compare it to being a human bath bomb, only without the visual effect. Then it started to feel a bit spicy, as in warmer than the temperature of the water (which was pretty hot).. then I noticed that the pads of my fingers all of a sudden felt very soft and almost silky, even though they hadn’t been submerged yet. Then I started sweating.. and sweating… and sweating. It was like being in a sauna, on the sun. I’ve never been one to love heat that much, so I stayed in as long as I could to get as many toxins out as I could, but I caved and got out. Right after I got out, I felt a little sick to my stomach, but honestly, I think it was probably from feeling like donkey balls all day and not drinking enough water before my mad hell fire bathing session.

The results? I feel much better today, honestly. I still have a bit of congestion, but all in all? My energy is back, I don’t feel like dying, and I would definitely recommend trying out a mustard bath if you’re feeling icky. I would maybe consider actually making up a blend before hand instead of just dumping in a whole bunch of mustard powder, but never the less, try it. It keeps your skin warm like you’re in the tub for long after you’ve left the tub, so it would be lovely for a cold day as well as for detoxifying purposes.

And no, you won’t smell like Grey Poupon afterward